Trusting the ways of my vulnerable heart...

Illusion is caving in, exactly what did you expect?

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 15:44:57 GMT

My hangover has finally faded. But thinking back on what happened last night, it makes my stomach turn more than if I was still drunk (which, by the way, I woke up still being slightly drunk). Because you know, making out with two brothers and then a taken gay guy eight years older than me, while his boyfriend watches... yeah. Fuck. And then taking a few nosedives towards a bonfire off a chair and landing, thankfully, in the dirt next to it. Yeah, fuck. But I won Morgan in a game of Twister. Not sure what I get out of that exactly, and I don't know if I'll actually take the prize, because I made a complete asshole out of myself last night whilst drunk and I plan on apologizing to everyone at the show today. I was bummed out at first that Kiara and Becca couldn't come, but now I'm EXTREMELY glad they weren't there to witness my downward spiral into oblivion. For some reason, yesterday just wasn't a good day. Despite everyone's efforts to cheer me up, I was just in this blah mood. So I drank it all away.

Why is it that straight men do bad things at cast parties? Fuck me.

Try to forgive, teach me to live...

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 00:12:20 GMT

GRRRRRASOIDNAOSIDHASOHDAISUDHAISUDHA

I just wrote a really big long post that gave one huge general update of my life and its happenings, and EL-JAY DECIDES TO EAT IT. Grrrr.

Long stories short. My mom got me the Phantom soundtrack. Then we talked for two hours, which was good and much needed. And John and I might actually be working on a professional news/rant/rave/review/opinion/cool website that involves ninjas. There. I'm done. Eat this, LJ.

Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven...

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 06:02:57 GMT

I have problems. They don't go away. I have itches that need scratching. But they wait for me to get the right tools, the right opportunity. They can't get taken care of most of the time.

They just get more impatient with me though. And they still don't go away. They just get worse.

I'll admit it now. I have problems. And they just get worse. And they never go away.

And they just get worse. By the minute, by the second, they get worse. And those itches are biting away. Biding their time. Waiting to be fed. I need movie night with Kelsie.

And Dad, I know you read this. And I don't care what I say on here. Because despite myself, I have self-control, and you're lucky I have it. This is just me saying that I really don't appreciate hearing your shit and what you think about Jessi, because you can keep your ignorant god damn opinions to yourself. I'm not perfect. I'm NOTHING you want me to be. And that isn't going to change. So stop trying.

I'm.done.with.life.

I absolutely love her when she smiles...

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 22:28:04 GMT

*The \\\\*
Last Cigarette:	Last time Blaize was here, month or two ago.
Last Alcoholic Drink:	Wasn't really a drink. Took a chug of an open wine bottle leftover from an OCT banquet, 2 weeks ago.
Last Car Ride:	Angie taking me home.
Last Kiss:	Jessi, two hours ago.
Last Good Cry:	Pfft.
Last Library Book:	The Seer and the Sword.
Last book bought:	Um.
Last Book Read:	The Seer and the Sword.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	Phantom of the Opera.
Last Movie Rented:	Napoleon Dynamite.
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	I think it was "In your fucking eye."
Last Beverage Drank:	Pepsi
Last Food Consumed:	Some shitty Chinese
Last Crush:	Jessi
Last Phone Call:	Jessi
Last TV Show Watched:	Some hip hop videos on MTV2 yesterday.
Last Time Showered:	Yesterday
Last Shoes Worn:	My brokeass Vans.
Last CD Played:	"Love In Autumn" - a compilation, if you will.
Last Item Bought:	Some cookies from Mrs. Stephens.
Last Download:	Incubus - "Vitamin"
Last Annoyance:	Ashley motherfucking Canzalino. YOU'RE WHITE.
Last Disappointment:	Thinking how bad that Chinese was, hoping that the "chicken" wasn't shrimp.
Last Soda Drank:	Pepsi.
Last Thing Written:	Something in English.
Last Key Used:	Few days ago, my house key.
Last Words Spoken:	"Hello?" ::click::
Last Sleep:	3rd period.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	My milkshake, right now :)
Last Chair Sat In:	This one.
Last Webpage Visited:	Livejournal.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

What's brotherhood to you?

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 04:21:46 GMT

JB's a flaming faggot, but I have to admit, he had the funniest part of the video.

"Man, I'll kick anyone that comes my way. Doesn't matter if they're a boy, girl, hobbit, I don't give a crap. I'll kick 'em. I'll kick 'em hard."

XD

You're barocco!

What musical term describes you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Zombified Somnambulist Society: A Collection of Lyric Excerpts That Describe Me Presently

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 13:20:27 GMT

Incubus - Vitamin
I'm born
I'm alive
I breathe
In a moment or two I realize
That the sphere upon which I reside
Is asleep on its feet.
Should I go back to sleep?

Cursive - Driftwood: A Fairy Tale
So he would sulk and drink and mope
and cross his arms and hope to die.
And then a fairy came one night
to bring this sorry boy to life.
She pulled some strings
and spun him about.
That boy sprang up
and began to shout,
"My arms, my legs, my heart, my face they're alive!"
And she would cry, "Liar, liar!
What have I done?
You're no lover, and I'm no fighter."

Cursive - The Martyr
Sweet baby, don't cry...
Your tears are only alibis
To prove you still feel --
You only feel sorry for yourself
Well, get on that cross
That's all you're good for...

And thusly it ends
Depression seeps in on a lonely messiah
Now he drinks with the lepers
Losing a limb, his better half
A glass once half full
A head hung half-mast
He claims he's the victim
Strangled by the nine-to-five
And a pattern of stillness
That haunted this still life

The Mars Volta - Take The Veil Cerpin Taxt
A mass of gallon sloth
As flies have walls for feet
A rapturous verbatim
Someone said but who is to know
And when you find the fringe
Of the one last hit that spent you
You'll find the ossuary spilling by the day

The iconoclastic had it coming for years
They know the prisons that you have yet to fear
Where thumbs hide inside of sleepingbag mouths
Adlib your memoires by casting a drought

Knife me in hobbling
Talking in it's sleep again
Knife me in hobbling
Talking in it's sleep again

Who brought me here
Forsaken, depraved, and wrought with fear
Who turned it off
The last thing I remember now

The Mars Volta - Televators
The house half the way
Fell empty with teeth
That split both his lips
Mark these words
One day this chalk outline will circle this city
Was he robbed of the asphalt that cushioned his face
A room colored charlatan
Hid in a safe
Stalk the ground
Stalk the ground
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch in hobbled sway
Auto-da-fé
A capillary hint of red
Only this manupod
Crescent in shape has escaped

AFI - Clove Smoke Catharsis
Lean against the night and laugh
As I try to scale the walls.
Ignored futility fills the air.
You're only there to watch me fall, watch me fall, watch me...

AFI - ...But Home Is Nowhere
Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun
To understand my, my intimate is no one
When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites?
They cut the cast, the music, and the lights

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I ever end up here?
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned
To this nature, so unnatural
I remain alone

Twenty-six years end, still speaking in these tongues
Such revelations while understood by no one
When the new actor stole the show, who questioned his grace?
Please clear the house of ill-aquired taste

EDIT: This one is perfect. Abso-fucking-lutely perfect. As you were.

Avenged Sevenfold - Unholy Confessions
"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested but secure.

Nothing hurts my world,
Just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
You'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
The one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confined in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Nothing will last in this life,
Our time is spent constructing,
Now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
Squeeze till I cannot breathe,
This air tastes dead inside me,
Contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
Tear down this steadfast wall,
Restraints are useless here,
Tasting salvation's near

Depswa - Two Angels And A Dream
Between the black and white
Between what's wrong and what's right
It's where I feel myself fall upon
Between you and me
Between what's caged and what's free
And I found where I belong

And I'm caught between two angels and a dream
One is pulling at my heart while the other rips the seams
These eyes have shown no future to be seen
Then to throw it all away for something in between

Maybe more on the way.

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable...

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 04:29:23 GMT

OK, IT'S TRUE, I DON'T HATE RAP!!! ::sobs::

That one makes sense.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

WTF?! SINCE WHEN IS NEWFOUND GLORY METAL?!?! ::obscenity obscenity::

Stereotyping is fun by fuckyouir00l
The Scenester	libertasveritas
Nerd	milesman73
Slut Bag	independent28
Emo Cry-Baby	jinx2006
Indie Elitist	limelight_lude
Faggy Goth Kid	hatedbythem
Biggest Thug	vanilla_drug
Hillbilly	sweetnightmaire
Most Punk Rawk	the_storm
Username

Quiz created with MemeGen!

If only you guys knew JUST how perfect this is. Oh my geez.

The Pope
Circle I Limbo

Osama bin Laden
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

The New York Yankees
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Militant Vegans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Objectivists
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

General asshats
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Close-minded douchebags
Circle VII Burning Sands

Republicans
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Maybe I can wait in bed until she comes home and whispers "You're in my world now..."

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 17:09:21 GMT

<3, Cursive.

So, earlier in the week, my dad agreed to let me have a day off either today or tomorrow, to use as a "rest day" so I could fully get over the pharyngitis. Well, yesterday, I was actually feeling halfway decent without any serious intake of over-the-counter pharmaceudicals. So I was thinking, "Hey, maybe you won't have to miss school."

Wrong.

Don't get me wrong, either. I love staying at home when everyone else has to suffer at school. But I kinda have things to do this week.

Anyway, I wake up this morning barely able to breathe through the sea of mucous, and the lethargy nearly pummeled me over the head when I slid off the bed. "Damn it all..."

So I get my ritual bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I take two bites, and my stomach LURCHES.

Needless to say, I'm using one of those get-out-of-school-free days. Maybe I'll show up to callbacks. Warford offered to send me a valiant horsewoman to whisk me away, because apparently she can't afford to not have me there. That makes me feel special.

So, maybe. If I can successfully breathe and/or speak without cracking by 2:30, maybe I'll shoot the Warford an email back asking for assistance.

Can I get a quick DUH?! from everyone reading? Plzkthx.

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 03:38:35 GMT

You scored as Artistic. Congratulations, you scored Artistic. You're looking for the unique movie in the bunch. You've probably watched a lot of movies that nobody has ever heard of, and good for you. You also know good filmmaking when you see it. You just get it, no questions asked. Check out: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Garden State, Lost in Translation.

</td>

Artistic

95%

Mindfuck

80%

Sadistic Humour

70%

Drama/Suspense

70%

Sci-Fi/Fantasy

55%

Romantic Comedy

30%

Mindless Action Flick

10%

Movie Recommendation.
created with QuizFarm.com

One, two, three, DUH! Those are some of the best movies ever! I mean, COME ON! My friggin icon is Eternal Sunshine!

The Indigo Children

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 23:42:34 GMT

Click to be enlightened

I can smell hot asphalt...

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 05:15:03 GMT

Had the double today. And you know what that means?

POKER TOURNAMENT!!!1!11one!!!

But I got third. THIRD. I mean, you know, I guess that's not bad, considering there was 11 people playing and I was the youngest. And that I helped knock Patrick out. And Steve. And Angie Mac. And Lani. And someone else I forgot.

And all of that was fun. But you know what sucks? Monetary prizes go to first and second place finishers only. GAH!! THIRD!!

::takes deep breath::

But it's okay. I'm at peace with it. (THAT WAS TWENTY+ BUCKS THAT COULD HAVE GONE TO MY DRUMS!!! AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!)

No, seriously. It's cool. ::grumble::

It's been a while. A while since what, you ask? QUIZZES!

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 22:22:49 GMT

atelocide
Look out for the

m
HOLE

From Go-Quiz.com

A	Ambivalent
T	Timeless
E	Exquisite
L	Light
O	Outrageous
C	Creative
I	Industrious
D	Dreamy
E	Eccentric

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

You know, that last one actually made sense. Hm.

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK]
	You are a Goth!
Oh Woe is you! Your LJ is full of angsty poetry and every breath is PAINFUL for you. Remember, when you are playing with razor blades, it's down, not across! Make it count! (kidding!)
More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

OK, look, just because I would think about how long it would be until the puppy died and if Bugs Bunny would notice the arsenic laced carrot.... that doesn't mean ANYTHING.

What do you dream about?

Name/Nickname:
Age:
Zodiac Sign:
Fav. Color Combo:
Your dreams generally include: Flying
Approximate number of monthly nightmares: 17
The worst monster you've seen in a dream:
Your dreams are usually realistic
Percentage of dreams involving sex - 71%
Will your dreams ever come true? (8) - You may rely on it. - (8)

This cool quiz by cutelilangelx - Taken 509267 Times.
</a>
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

There you have it folks.

Your tears are only alibies....

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 05:13:03 GMT

I didn't want to go to school today. But I did anyway. Show sucked. Ended up taking quite fine care of Jessi, poor girl. Movie day coming soon. Cursive's vocalist is another one of those once-in-a-lifetime brilliant modern poets. I'm convinced. Him, and Brandon Boyd. So, soon, I'm off to watch Spirited Away and write some genius, brilliant, marvelous things, a la Cursive. Here's some funness.

1. Reply to this post with your name, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
2. I will tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. I will tell you what celebrity/public/fictional person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will tell you what color(s) I associate with you.
5. I will post my most memorable/fondest memory I have with you.
6. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

You're forked, look for a cuddle, you're pretty and we should date through the tire swing.

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 05:35:27 GMT

Ahh.... fights, conclusions, more fights, loose ends, and matchmaking.

The story of my night(life).

Ew, that sounds like Knightlife. Ew.

PSA

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 00:56:30 GMT

"I'm Irish--DOES THAT MEAN I GET TO GO AROUND GETTING DRUNK AND SCREWING?!"

Judgment, face down, feel me now...

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 18:27:18 GMT

Home. "Sick." I feel fine, actually. But my tonsils are still the size of golfballs. ::shrugs:: Trying to write. Getting fragments. Can't quite cultivate them all into something coherent yet. Still working. Wish I had some good anime to watch. Asked Carty to get Spirited Away on his way home last night. Guess he didn't. Oh well. I'm sure I can coerce someone into getting it sometime later today.

Oh, second verse...

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 22:43:45 GMT

Sick. I need to get some more sleep. I don't know why I'm awake. I have tonsilitis. It's not much fun. Bad prospects. Hopefully I won't have to go to school tomorrow. Man. This sucks. But I can't say I'm not enjoying it. More time off = good times. I've realized that I can't write if I have too many things going on. That has been my problem all year. I've had too much on my plate, so I couldn't write. Because today, fragments started coming to me but I was too tired to do anything about them. I'll sleep on it all. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. Sleep on it. Now.

I've decided tonight is the night I set love aside...

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 06:27:48 GMT

Straight. Superiors.

Going to State. With my solo, and with the Large Group Musical. Critic's Choice. Hell. Yes.

Stoked.

Can't think.

Have to get in touch with Miles. Great guy.

Can't think.

Exhausted.

Don't care.

Matinee tomorrow.

Can't think.

Still basking.

Yessssssssssss.

Down on Skid Row...

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 04:44:31 GMT

"Someone show me a way to get out of here
'Cus I constantly pray I'll get out of here
Please won't somebody say I'll get out of here?
Someone give me my shot, or I'll rot here!"

Things just fall into place sometimes. The fever is upon the children of the moon. We're all falling to its whims. And sometimes, when all of your defenses have been shattered, and all of your masks have been ripped away from you, and you stand alone, exposed, to the entire world (who all just happen to be looking at you)....

... things get kinda difficult. And you wonder why you were put on this God-forsaken planet.

Ah. And on that note, Little Shop to save the day once again...

"But then there's Audrey, lovely Audrey..."

These are the hands where I will bury my face...

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 06:17:57 GMT

Day after day it's static life
Week after week is sacrificed
Month after month you meditate
All of the years that waste away
This is the life that I embrace
This is the world that I create
Falling into the great decay
Give in, give in, give up
All these verses share a theme
We don't amount to anything
It's the day after bloodsucking day
This great decay, this great decay
Asleep in your grave

Raise your head and taste the courage....

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 05:21:42 GMT

Haven't written in a while. Haven't had the chance, whatsoever. I'm never home. I never sleep. I never slow down. I'm just jumping right back on the vicious cycle. No, not a cycle. A carousel. That never stops. One that laughs in my face and spins so fast I get dizzy and nauseous from the pace of things.

I'm not happy with Little Shop. Not pleased at all. Ken Hilton needs to die. We need a stage manager who actually knows what the FUCK is going on. I swear, I've never worked with such an incompetent man. I could run the show better than he does. Honestly. "Oh, sorry, I'm dyslexic." Does anyone actually know if he is, or he just has no better excuse? Because, really, if the man IS seriously dyslexic, you'd think he would be used to it after, oh, 50 or 60-odd years on Earth. Just a thought. And I feel horrible for saying that, but it's the truth.

And I really don't want to dwell on the trainwreck that is Little Shop.

Why can't people just get the fuck along? Seriously. I HATE BICKERING AND STUPID BEHIND-PEOPLE'S-BACKS SHIT. It's childish, immature, elementary, gossipy, and it just irritates perfectly serene situations that are better left untouched. Because little do some people know, when you involve a third wheel or middle man, they take more abuse than either of the other parties! "But why is that, Calder?" Because they get to hear BOTH sides of the stupid bitching and crying and complaining! And people shouldn't have to deal with that. Why can't society grow some balls, find a little decency/respect/courage, and talk to each other like civilized individuals, instead of hiding behind facades of cowardice? You all just look like dumb fucks in the end.

/rant off

A7X isn't all that bad. Newer stuff has some pretty good lyrics. And they aren't completely musically challenged.

I've just been in this pissy mood for a long time. And it isn't healthy. Pissy and depressed and apathetic and hating life and not caring and just wishing shit would go away so I could just live a normal, simple life for a fucking change. Because I CANNOT take stress, or pressure. And I can't take people not having faith in me. It's my life, my choices. Why can't people just respect it and accept it when I say "I can't do it." I don't give up THAT easily. I DON'T ALWAYS TRY TO FIND THE EASY WAY OUT, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF. I know my limits, I know what I can handle, and if I say that I can't do it, you had better damn well respect it because there's nothing else I can do about it. I try harder at things than most people I know. I guess I'm just viewed as some perfect machine that is skipping out on its pre-programmed functions. What the fuck ever. Let me live my own life with my own decisions on what I can and can't do. Academically, extra-curricularly, whatever.

Trying to push my boundaries is futile and pseudo-masochistic in the end. It really is.

God, Districts start tomorrow. I REALLLLLLLY don't want to perform. But whatever. Might as well please the adoring masses. That seems like all I'm doing lately. Nothing for myself. At all. I'm just here for smiling and looking pretty (sometimes too pretty) and to make you smile, too. Because that's all that Calder is good for, so society as a whole should milk him for all the juicy sweet sugar-coated entertainment we can get out of him before he bursts and spontaneously combusts from all the bullshit that his everyday life entails.

That's all my life is now. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Nobody's real anymore. Nobody's original, or just.... themselves. Or different. Everything's the same.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

You've got another thing comin'...

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 15:45:18 GMT

This was possibly one of the dreariest weeks I've had in a long time. It just... sucked. Well, except yesterday, because all I did was have fun. Er, in the afternoon. Found out the IE workshop was cancelled, so I just poked my head in the costume shop and got semi-costumed for the "artful dodger."

"You know what, Calder? I'll let you go. We'll figure everything else out later. I wouldn't want to keep your entorage waiting."

(where entorage = Angie, Jessi, Shannon, and Kari.)

And so Dad dropped by the theatre as we were all dancing to some Portnoy solo-age, and he gives me cash, and then we all head off in search of pretty things and food. Without Dad. Because I don't think it would be... right to shop for lingerie with 4 teenage girls - and my Dad.

So we go to the best/cheapest place in town, Bealls Outlet. Because they have $2 pretty things, $5 pretty pretty things, and $8 realllly pretty things. And apparently cheap pretty things are good pretty things. (And I can completely vouch for that - cheap things well bought.)

And so Kari leaves before us, because she has some prior engagement thing. And off the rest of us go, in search of lunch in the bleak drizzly mid-afternoon. And where does our quest take us? To Steak n Shake, like always. And so we have lunch, and fun times are had.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! You guys make me SICK!"

Good. Because milkshakes are never as good unless they're shared. OK? Cool.

Anyways, so we have lunch and split. And Angie goes hence to her father's house, and Shannon and Jessi and I run an errand and head back to Walmart (for no reason.) So Jessi gets craft jewelry-like supplies and makes me a necklace and a bracelet (thanks dear.) But that was all later. I'll get back to chronologicalizing later on, when I have time. Because right now I need to go eat brunch. Scrambled eggs and a hot dog.

Monuments to where I have been...

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 21:20:11 GMT

I'm having one of those days.

No, fuck it. I'm having one of those weeks. The rain sucked me dry of any energy whatsoever. And emotion. There's none of that left either. Or care, or ambition, or drive.

Oh, damn it, what's it called? Right. Apathy.

"We aren't, are we?"
"Aren't what?"
"Growing."
"Apart? Of course we're not baby."

Even though it may feel as if we are, we aren't. We're just two fucked up little kids looking for our own piece of mind. Individually.

I saw Ben today. Getting off the Westport bus. I'm normally a calm and rational person, but I nearly threw myself out of the vehicle as I opened the door to scream at him. Trenton and Alli were there too, but they don't matter. It was good to hear his voice. It really was. Even though it wasn't him. Nothsa is doing a good job. Well then, let's just say it was good to see him. The only good thing of my day.

"It was like I lost a brother."

A decade ago, I never though I would be twenty-three.

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 03:11:47 GMT

It's been a while. I'm sorry. I just haven't really been home, or in the mood to write. So I'll just update you all. OK? Cool.

My new classes are pretty easy. Considering the fact that two of them are drama related, and the other is the only academic I was/am looking forward to taking. So it's all good.

Atelo, my first band, broke up. Musically, we meshed pretty well. But having an apathetic bassist, a pothead guitarist, and a drummer who actually wants work... well, they don't mix personality-wise. So that's all done. (Sorry, that means you guys don't get free demos. But, you WILL get free demos of...)

My new project. The one I've been looking forward to for MONTHS. Me, Carty, and Shibby. Prog. Heavy. Complicated. Sounds helllllla tight. Right? It is. You're all invited to watch us jam sometimes. Cool? Cool.

That's pretty much it. Little Shop opens in a week. Come see it. Cool? Cool.

Word.

If the world would fall apart...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 04:18:56 GMT

Ever get the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia when you visit a place that holds many memories? Even a place that you visit often? Because it happens to me every time I come to my mom's house. Every single god damn time. Not that it's bad, because it's a useful escape from my everyday train of thought. Nothing creative happens at my dad's house. Nothing overly awe-inspiring. Nothing amazing. Nothing beautiful. Nothing to contemplate over. (This is excluding you, Jessi. You don't live there.)

Living with my mom for a year in my stepdad's house produced so many things for me. I changed. No, I evolved. That term suits it much better. I spent most of my time alone. Thinking. Being by myself. Changing into something else, by myself. Expending myself during the day, and just sitting, thinking, changing by night. Enhancing myself. Expanding my mind, my limits, pushing everything I knew. And I don't know why. Maybe somewhere I knew that I had to change. That it was inevitable. That I had to rise against what I knew and what my friends knew. That I had to complete my transition into something older and wiser. I'm not a child. I'm not even an adolescent. I can't be confined to genres, or categories. I am NOT a fucking statistic. I don't fit in anything, anywhere, ever. I'm some different species. An obscure sub-genus that's rare and unidentifiable, unrecognizable, undiscovered. A low-flying plane that moves too fast. I'm off the radar. I've always been. It's like I'm invisible to the naked eye. It either passes over me, or bounces off when seen. I'm not suspected.

/ramble off

So I evolved. Because I had to. Maybe I wanted to, somewhere, even though I didn't want to leave things behind. But by God, I was going to leave things behind eventually. So why not leave everything behind and start over? Come back to it all later and try to put the puzzle pieces back together again? Try and recreate what I once was for a while. Feel what I felt before I changed. Experience the older model again. Get under the skin that I shed long ago.

Ahh, nostalgia. My love, my (old)life.

::switches gears::

I honestly think that Brandon Boyd is one of most talented and brilliant modern poets, ever.

"Here In My Room" by Incubus

This party is old and uninviting
Participants all in black and white
You enter in fullblown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight

If the world would fall apart
In a fiction worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing
Now that you're here

Yeah, love is a verb here in my room
Here in my room, here in my room

You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world as seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim a little
I'm weary of eyes upon my scars

Pink tractor beam into your incision
Head spinning as free as dervishs' whirl
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being that kind of girl
That kind of girl

what type of music are you
LJ Username
age
favorite animal
name
gender
you will be a rocker	(8) - It is certain. - (8)
how many people will want to have sex with you	2894
you hate rap	FALSE

This quiz by kittikat9 - Taken 1194 Times. </a>

Your LJ Friends in a Fighting Game
LJ Username
The Rival	independent28
The Heroine	sweetnightmaire
The Outcast	hatedbythem
The Old Geezer	limelight_lude
The Big Guy	hatedbythem
The Villain	libertasveritas

This QuickKwiz by diablo_echidna - Taken 1971 Times. </a>

Your LJ Yearbook
LJ Username
Your Grad Year
Your Best Subject
Your Worst Subject
Most Likely to Own 30 Cats	limelight_lude
Most Likely to Become a Billionaire Tycoon	limelight_lude
Most Likely to End Up On Jerry Springer	hatedbythem
Most Likely to Achieve Enlightenment	vanilla_drug
Most Likely to Get A Sex Change	hatedbythem
Most Likely to End Up Living On A Weasel Ranch In Kuala Lumpur	vanilla_drug

This Quiz by yagowe - Taken 10107 Times. </a>

Your Metal Band
Full Name
Age
Your band is	New Found Glory

This cool quiz by beowulf - Taken 506 Times. </a>