Trusting · the · ways · of · my · vulnerable · heart...

My hangover has finally faded. But thinking back on what happened last night, it makes my stomach turn more than if I was still drunk (which, by the way, I woke up still being slightly drunk). Because you know, making out with two brothers and then a taken gay guy eight years older than me, while his boyfriend watches... yeah. Fuck. And then taking a few nosedives towards a bonfire off a chair and landing, thankfully, in the dirt next to it. Yeah, fuck. But I won Morgan in a game of Twister. Not sure what I get out of that exactly, and I don't know if I'll actually take the prize, because I made a complete asshole out of myself last night whilst drunk and I plan on apologizing to everyone at the show today. I was bummed out at first that Kiara and Becca couldn't come, but now I'm EXTREMELY glad they weren't there to witness my downward spiral into oblivion. For some reason, yesterday just wasn't a good day. Despite everyone's efforts to cheer me up, I was just in this blah mood. So I drank it all away.

Why is it that straight men do bad things at cast parties? Fuck me.

GRRRRRASOIDNAOSIDHASOHDAISUDHAISUDHA

I just wrote a really big long post that gave one huge general update of my life and its happenings, and EL-JAY DECIDES TO EAT IT. Grrrr.

Long stories short. My mom got me the Phantom soundtrack. Then we talked for two hours, which was good and much needed. And John and I might actually be working on a professional news/rant/rave/review/opinion/cool website that involves ninjas. There. I'm done. Eat this, LJ.

I have problems. They don't go away. I have itches that need scratching. But they wait for me to get the right tools, the right opportunity. They can't get taken care of most of the time.

They just get more impatient with me though. And they still don't go away. They just get worse.

I'll admit it now. I have problems. And they just get worse. And they never go away.

And they just get worse. By the minute, by the second, they get worse. And those itches are biting away. Biding their time. Waiting to be fed. I need movie night with Kelsie.

And Dad, I know you read this. And I don't care what I say on here. Because despite myself, I have self-control, and you're lucky I have it. This is just me saying that I really don't appreciate hearing your shit and what you think about Jessi, because you can keep your ignorant god damn opinions to yourself. I'm not perfect. I'm NOTHING you want me to be. And that isn't going to change. So stop trying.

I'm.done.with.life.

JB's a flaming faggot, but I have to admit, he had the funniest part of the video.

"Man, I'll kick anyone that comes my way. Doesn't matter if they're a boy, girl, hobbit, I don't give a crap. I'll kick 'em. I'll kick 'em hard."

XD

You're barocco!


What musical term describes you?
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<3, Cursive.

So, earlier in the week, my dad agreed to let me have a day off either today or tomorrow, to use as a "rest day" so I could fully get over the pharyngitis. Well, yesterday, I was actually feeling halfway decent without any serious intake of over-the-counter pharmaceudicals. So I was thinking, "Hey, maybe you won't have to miss school."

Wrong.

Don't get me wrong, either. I love staying at home when everyone else has to suffer at school. But I kinda have things to do this week.

Anyway, I wake up this morning barely able to breathe through the sea of mucous, and the lethargy nearly pummeled me over the head when I slid off the bed. "Damn it all..."

So I get my ritual bowl of Fruity Pebbles. I take two bites, and my stomach LURCHES.

Needless to say, I'm using one of those get-out-of-school-free days. Maybe I'll show up to callbacks. Warford offered to send me a valiant horsewoman to whisk me away, because apparently she can't afford to not have me there. That makes me feel special.

So, maybe. If I can successfully breathe and/or speak without cracking by 2:30, maybe I'll shoot the Warford an email back asking for assistance.

You scored as Artistic. Congratulations, you scored Artistic. You're looking for the unique movie in the bunch. You've probably watched a lot of movies that nobody has ever heard of, and good for you. You also know good filmmaking when you see it. You just get it, no questions asked. Check out: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Garden State, Lost in Translation. </td> Artistic 95% Mindfuck 80% Sadistic Humour 70% Drama/Suspense 70% Sci-Fi/Fantasy 55% Romantic Comedy 30% Mindless Action Flick 10% Movie Recommendation. created with QuizFarm.com

One, two, three, DUH! Those are some of the best movies ever! I mean, COME ON! My friggin icon is Eternal Sunshine!

You'd think with all of my introversion, I would have found everything in my head. Guess not. Because there's this ongoing struggle in some lost cavern of my mind. I found it today. In black and white. A parched plain. Two winter-kissed, gnarled trees reaching for each other across a field of sure damnation.

And then I woke up.

But don't worry. I can find my way back. It's just one more location I need to explore. Because I don't like it when there are things going on in my head that I don't know about.

Had the double today. And you know what that means?

But I got third. THIRD. I mean, you know, I guess that's not bad, considering there was 11 people playing and I was the youngest. And that I helped knock Patrick out. And Steve. And Angie Mac. And Lani. And someone else I forgot.

And all of that was fun. But you know what sucks? Monetary prizes go to first and second place finishers only. GAH!! THIRD!!

::takes deep breath::

But it's okay. I'm at peace with it. (THAT WAS TWENTY+ BUCKS THAT COULD HAVE GONE TO MY DRUMS!!! AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!)

No, seriously. It's cool. ::grumble::

atelocide Look out for the

m HOLE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

A	Ambivalent
T	Timeless
E	Exquisite
L	Light
O	Outrageous
C	Creative
I	Industrious
D	Dreamy
E	Eccentric

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

You know, that last one actually made sense. Hm.

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK] You are a Goth! Oh Woe is you! Your LJ is full of angsty poetry and every breath is PAINFUL for you. Remember, when you are playing with razor blades, it's down, not across! Make it count! (kidding!) More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

OK, look, just because I would think about how long it would be until the puppy died and if Bugs Bunny would notice the arsenic laced carrot.... that doesn't mean ANYTHING.

What do you dream about?
Name/Nickname:
Age:
Zodiac Sign:	AquariusAriesCancerCapricornGeminiLeoLibraPiscesSagittariusScorpioTaurusVirgo
Fav. Color Combo:	Blue/SilverBlack/WhiteGrey/RedGreen/GoldPink/BlackPurple/BlackBlue/OrangeBlack/RedMix and match theseNone of these
Your dreams generally include:	Flying
Approximate number of monthly nightmares:	17
The worst monster you've seen in a dream:
Your dreams are usually	realistic
Percentage of dreams involving sex - 71%
Will your dreams ever come true?	(8) - You may rely on it. - (8)
This cool quiz by cutelilangelx - Taken 509267 Times. </a>

New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

There you have it folks.

I didn't want to go to school today. But I did anyway. Show sucked. Ended up taking quite fine care of Jessi, poor girl. Movie day coming soon. Cursive's vocalist is another one of those once-in-a-lifetime brilliant modern poets. I'm convinced. Him, and Brandon Boyd. So, soon, I'm off to watch Spirited Away and write some genius, brilliant, marvelous things, a la Cursive. Here's some funness.

1. Reply to this post with your name, because I would like to say a couple words about you.
2. I will tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. I will tell you what celebrity/public/fictional person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will tell you what color(s) I associate with you.
5. I will post my most memorable/fondest memory I have with you.
6. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

Home. "Sick." I feel fine, actually. But my tonsils are still the size of golfballs. ::shrugs:: Trying to write. Getting fragments. Can't quite cultivate them all into something coherent yet. Still working. Wish I had some good anime to watch. Asked Carty to get Spirited Away on his way home last night. Guess he didn't. Oh well. I'm sure I can coerce someone into getting it sometime later today.

Sick. I need to get some more sleep. I don't know why I'm awake. I have tonsilitis. It's not much fun. Bad prospects. Hopefully I won't have to go to school tomorrow. Man. This sucks. But I can't say I'm not enjoying it. More time off = good times. I've realized that I can't write if I have too many things going on. That has been my problem all year. I've had too much on my plate, so I couldn't write. Because today, fragments started coming to me but I was too tired to do anything about them. I'll sleep on it all. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. Sleep on it. Now.

Straight. Superiors.

Going to State. With my solo, and with the Large Group Musical. Critic's Choice. Hell. Yes.

Stoked.

Can't think.

Have to get in touch with Miles. Great guy.

Can't think.

Exhausted.

Don't care.

Matinee tomorrow.

Can't think.

Still basking.

Yessssssssssss.

"Someone show me a way to get out of here
'Cus I constantly pray I'll get out of here
Please won't somebody say I'll get out of here?
Someone give me my shot, or I'll rot here!"

Things just fall into place sometimes. The fever is upon the children of the moon. We're all falling to its whims. And sometimes, when all of your defenses have been shattered, and all of your masks have been ripped away from you, and you stand alone, exposed, to the entire world (who all just happen to be looking at you)....

... things get kinda difficult. And you wonder why you were put on this God-forsaken planet.

Ah. And on that note, Little Shop to save the day once again...

"But then there's Audrey, lovely Audrey..."